Alpha Connection

Parenting is one of the most complex and important tasks one can do. The attitude a parent takes can have a tremendous impact on their teen’s emotional, social, and intellectual development. In this blog, we’ll look at various parenting styles and their potential effects on teenagers, as well as offer insights and guidance to parents who are navigating these critical years.

The Four Main Parenting Styles

Diana Baumrind, a developmental psychologist, identified three important parenting styles in the 1960s; additional researchers later enlarged this number to four. They are:

Authoritarian, Permissive, and Neglectful
Each style has particular traits that influence teenage behavior and development in different ways.

Authoritative Parenting: Balance and Boundaries

Authoritarian parents are attentive to their children’s needs while also establishing clear boundaries and expectations. They are aggressive but neither intrusive or restricting, encouraging independence without violating disciplinary limits. This technique is related with the best outcomes for children, resulting in teenagers who are self-regulated, socially responsible, and have good self-esteem.

Authoritarian parenting is strict and structured

Authoritarian parents are distinguished by high expectations and low responsiveness. They have stringent regulations and expect complete obedience without question. This technique may instill obedience and proficiency in teenagers, but it typically comes at the expense of their self-esteem and social skills. Teenagers reared in authoritarian households may have more behavioral disorders and are less capable of autonomous thought.

Permissive parenting: Lenient and Loving

Permissive parents are kind and communicative, yet they set few restrictions and boundaries. They are very attentive to the child’s needs and rarely impose consistent restrictions. This parenting approach may result in teenagers who battle with self-control and authority, as well as lower academic accomplishment. However, these kids are frequently more innovative and advanced.

Neglectful Parenting: Absence and Apathy

Neglectful parenting, often known as uninvolved parenting, is defined by a lack of attention to a child’s needs. Children of inattentive parents receive less instruction, care, and parental attention. This technique is extremely harmful, frequently leading in feelings of poor self-esteem and a slew of behavioral disorders in teenagers.

Effects on Teenage Development

The way parents engage with their children influences their worldviews, actions, and skills. Here’s how various parenting styles may effect teenagers:

• Emotional and Social Skills: Teenagers raised by authoritative parents are more likely to be emotionally healthy, socially skilled, and competent. Authoritarian and negligent techniques, on the other hand, may result in social retreat, anxiety, or hostility.
  
• Academic Performance: Teenagers from authoritative households tend to perform better in school since their home settings are supportive but structured. Authoritarian and permissive styles may impede performance due to intense pressure without support or low expectations, respectively.
  
• Behavioral Patterns: Authoritarian parenting assists adolescents in developing strong moral compass and decision-making skills. Permissive parenting can lead to impulsive behavior, authoritarian parenting can reduce independence, and neglectful parenting increases the likelihood of misconduct and substance abuse.
  

Understanding the differences between parenting styles can have a big impact on a teen’s growth. The authoritative method is often preferred, as it provides a combination of empathy and discipline that helps kids develop into well-rounded and capable adults. It is critical for parents to reflect on their own ways and change their strategies accordingly, while maintaining open communication channels and cultivating a nurturing yet disciplined environment.

Empathy is a crucial component of emotional growth because it helps people connect with others deeply, control their emotions, and encourage helpful behaviors. Empathy is something that can be learned, but it’s crucial to start teaching and practicing it early on.

Children with autism and other developmental issues may have a harder time learning empathy because people with autism sometimes have trouble deciphering non-verbal cues like body language and facial expressions.

Fortunately, any age can learn empathy by modeling, prompting, reinforcing, and positive reinforcement. These methods can assist kids in comprehending others’ emotions and teaching them how to react to them with the proper words, body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. The most effective methods for teaching empathy to kids are listed here, along with instructions on how to use them.

Show Examples of Empathy

It’s crucial to set an example for the conduct you want your child to learn. This exemplifies empathy and helps your youngster grasp what it feels, sounds, and looks like. For instance, being sympathetic to your distressed child, offering assistance to those in need, or performing community service.

The more empathy your child experiences, the more probable it is that they will emulate that behavior.

Develop the Ability to Take a Different Stance and Practice Theory of Mind

To improve theory of mind, start putting easy perspective-taking exercises into practice. Work on basic abilities like gaining a sensory viewpoint to get started. For instance, what I can see, hear, smell, and feel is distinct from what you can do. To teach prosocial actions, you can gradually increase your understanding of the intentions and desires of other people. For instance, if I need help carrying a package or if I tell you how much I adore your new toy, I might ask for a turn playing with it. You can then graduate to more complex talents like comprehending social circumstances. For instance, if we could dissect social interaction and consider the scenario from each party’s point of view. We can consider their feelings, potential actions, potential motives, and thoughts as well as how they might feel and think.

Prompt Conversation on Feelings

It is beneficial to discuss freely with your child about how they are feeling and why they might be feeling that way rather than ignoring them when they are expressing feelings like fear, anger, or sadness. Children should comprehend the connection between our feelings, actions, and thoughts. Make sure to communicate freely about your feelings as well as how other people’s actions affect your feelings, behaviors, and thoughts.

It’s important to refrain from correcting your child when they seem sad or angry; instead, teach them that all emotions are acceptable and assist them in learning to control them via dialogue and contemplation. This is crucial to help kids develop sympathetic behavior by teaching them how to process their emotions and feeling safe while doing so. It also enables them to identify various emotions in others and in themselves.

Encourage Compassionate Behavior

In order for your child to learn and practice empathetic behavior, you must teach them to watch out for others—whether that means in the family or in the neighborhood. This can be accomplished by engaging in activities with your child like giving goods to a neighborhood charity, participating in community service, or assisting a family member or friend with chores. Your child can emulate and learn from your empathic conduct by watching you act with kindness and compassion toward others.

Show Appreciation and Reinforce Empathic Behavior

When your child demonstrates empathy for others, reward them for their actions to promote more empathy in the future. So that kids may comprehend what the conduct was and why it was good, be explicit in your appreciation by mentioning the empathic behavior and how helpful and kind it was. For instance, I appreciate how you hugged and assisted your friend up after they fell; this will make them feel better.

Building and maintaining positive relationships, as well as living a healthy and happy life, depend on the ability to empathize and control one’s emotions. If you need help with your child or want to know if your child would benefit from behavioral intervention programs, contact Alpha Connections. Our intention is to provide children with the resources they need to establish and preserve healthy bonds with members of their family, peer group, and community. Contact our helpful team today for more details.

A dual diagnosis is given to a child, adolescent, or adult with a mental health illness and a AUD/SUD. Dual diagnosis patients have co-occurring disorders. Adolescent mental health issues that often co-occur with alcohol and substance use disorders include:

• Depression
• Insomnia
• PTSD
• BPD
• Misconduct
• Disobedience
• Anorexia

Experts believe that 60-75% of adolescents with alcohol or substance use disorders also have mental health disorders. Co-occurring illnesses confront teenagers and mental health professionals for various reasons.

First, mental health and alcohol/substance use illnesses share symptoms. Second, people with co-occurring disorders commonly self-medicate with alcohol and drugs. Finally, alcohol and drug use can worsen mental health condition symptoms, which can lead to increased usage.

Self-Reinforcing Cycles

This creates a cycle of symptom/self-medication/symptom/self-medication that’s hard to stop, and diagnosing co-occurring disorders is difficult because their symptoms can mask those of mental health disorders and vice versa. That’s not the same as above. As mentioned above, alcohol/substance use disorders and mental health issues have similar symptoms and may make each other invisible, causing physicians to miss one while focused on the other.

Clinicians and co-occurring illness patients often struggle to answer the question: which came first, the mental health disorder or the alcohol/substance use disorder? The answer is not always clear. However, with proper treatment and diagnosis, an adolescent with co-occurring AUD/SUD and mental health disorders can overcome both conditions. Treatment and diagnosis will follow.

Integrated Co-Occurring Disorder Treatment

Adolescents with co-occurring addiction and mental health disorders struggle to acquire a proper diagnosis. Diagnosing addiction and co-occurring mental health issues takes time for the following reasons.

1. After abstaining from alcohol or drugs, SUD or AUD symptoms may develop.
2. Clinicians, adolescent clients, and families must adjust the treatment strategy as mental health condition signs occur.
3. Clinicians at the treatment center or provider must be trained, experienced, and skilled to treat both conditions.

Dual-diagnosed adolescent parents must understand that treatment works. An integrated therapy paradigm that treats the complete person is the best way to manage co-occurring diseases, according to research.

What Can a Parent Do for the Child?

If you think your kid has both a mental health issue and an addiction problem, have them assessed by a psychologist, psychiatrist, or other mental health expert, especially one who treats addiction and mental health disorders in adolescents. A biopsychosocial profile will give a mental health expert a detailed view of your teen’s issues.

After a comprehensive evaluation, your kid may be recommended for therapy. Outpatient counseling twice a week may be enough. However, dual diagnosis may prevent outpatient therapy from helping your teen heal and move forward.

Your child’s therapist may suggest more extensive treatment. Intense treatment may include:

Intensive Outpatient Programs (IOP)

This treatment goes beyond weekly therapy or drug and alcohol counseling. Programs determine treatment duration and frequency. Teens in intensive outpatient programs live at home, attend school, and receive 3 hours of treatment per week.

Partial-Hospitalization Programs (PHP)

This treatment goes beyond intensive outpatient. Like IOP, program-specific therapy amounts and timing vary. Adolescents attend school part-time and receive daily treatment for four hours. If needed, they live in a sober living facility.

Residential Treatment Centers (RTC)

In residential treatment centers, your child lives at a non-hospital treatment center. Depending on your child’s progress, this rigorous treatment may span 28–120 days. Residential alcohol rehab has many benefits, including full-time alcohol therapy and a drug-free atmosphere. Your child can focus on healing without drinking.

Adolescents with dual co-occurring disorders may benefit from IOP, PHP, and RTC regimens.

Psychiatric Hospitalization

If your teen is suicidal, insane, or needs 24/7 medical supervision due to heavy alcohol consumption, they may need hospitalization. Heavy binge drinking, an increasingly harmful practice among teens and young adults, may require medical monitoring. Medical monitoring may be needed for potentially life-threatening alcohol withdrawal.

These levels of care – excluding psychiatric hospitalization, which prioritizes urgent safety and stability – typically use one or more of the following therapeutic approaches:

• Personal counseling
• Counseling groups
• Counseling families
• Exercise and mindfulness are experiential
• Alcoholics Anonymous or SMART Recovery

Your teen’s treatment depends on the center and degree of care.

Supporting Your Child

Supporting and encouraging your adolescent with a dual diagnosis and extensive treatment is crucial. Recovering can affect your relationship with your teen. You can support your teen and ease recuperation by doing these:

• Communicate
• Learn their diagnoses
• Discover mental health and substance use disorders
• Participate in therapy and recovery
• Listen actively
• Keep showing up and being sincere, sympathetic, and kind, and they’ll eventually open up
• Recover at home. Consider removing alcohol and drugs from your home
• Family alcohol consumption may affect your teen’s alcohol use disorder
• Be an example for your teen
• Be tolerant if your teen relapses. Avoid criticizing or overreacting

Understand that co-occurring disorders are hard to control. Your teen’s troubles don’t indicate a problem. They’re fighting two chronic, recurrent diseases. Be willing to address your personal issues that may cause conflict or stress with your teen or negatively affect your family dynamic.

Unconditional love supports your child during treatment. Open, honest, and direct communication follows compassion and empathy. Dual-diagnosed teens need you. They need your advice, wisdom, and support. They need your unconditional love and support through the ups and downs of rehabilitation. Teens who know their parents support them are more likely to recover.

It might be upsetting and difficult for you if your child declines to go to a behavioral disorders examination. How can you get around the denial and enroll your kid in the evaluation?

Your youngster will become more obstinate if you react violently to their resistance or outbursts. Keep your cool and speak in a supportive, rather than judging or critical, manner. Keep your cool and follow these instructions to get your child to comply.

Overcome Unawareness

Your youngster might not be cooperating because they don’t understand the issue. Children may not initially be aware that their behavior is a problem. Give your child specific examples of their conduct in response to this. Describe how these behaviors point to the demand for an evaluation.

Fighting Denial

Both adults and kids frequently react in denial. Even when they are aware of the problem, your child could dismiss it as unimportant. Your child may acknowledge the problem but insist that it will resolve itself.

Get support from close friends and family members your child respects and trusts to counter this. Have them reiterate the same point you are trying to make to your youngster. They might begin to understand that there’s a bigger problem when they hear it from multiple sources.

Push Through Resistance

Your youngster has overcome denial, thanks to you. Despite admitting there is a problem, they are adamant that they can solve it on their own. As a way to overcome opposition, an analogy might be effective. Remind your child that in order to treat an ear infection, an antibiotic prescription from a doctor is required. Then describe how getting an assessment is similar to getting a prescription. It’s a critical first step in starting to deal with the current problem.

Talk about how the ear infection would heal much more slowly if there were no medication. In addition, avoiding antibiotics may increase the likelihood that a person would become worse and experience more pain. Ask your child if the best way to deal with a problem is to use all the remedies available, in language that is appropriate for their age. Stress that receiving an evaluation expedites the healing process.

Promoting Acceptance

Even when your child consents to the assessment, they can still be apprehensive. A powerful tool is information. By explaining how an assessment operates, you may reassure your child.

Inform them that an assessment merely entails meeting with a counselor who will probe them about their feelings and thoughts. Mention that a physical examination may also be required. Tell your child that you will be present for some of the assessment and that other sections will take place one-on-one with the counselor.

Contact the Alpha Connection staff if you’re still having trouble getting your kid to try counseling. We might be able to offer suggestions to make things simpler.

For young individuals, adolescence is a stressful and perplexing time. Their bodies start to transform. They experience intense, chaotic emotions, yet they frequently are unable to articulate them effectively. Peer pressure to start drinking or using drugs may increase when peer groups become more significant than ever. It might be time to think about a residential program if your child is displaying symptoms of mental illness or drug usage.

Reasons Your Child Might Need a Residential Program

They Don’t Respond to Parental Instruction

After you’ve criticized their behavior, if your child continues to misbehave, they might need specialist counseling services. Teenagers who act out even after receiving discipline that are frequently effective, like being grounded or losing privileges, are demonstrating that their actions will not change. Such conduct might indicate that conventional punishment is no longer effective. This is particularly true if your child has been persistently detained or suspended from school due to their disruptive behavior or if they have run into legal issues.

A residential program for teenagers is a powerful tool for altering your child’s viewpoint, emphasizing the importance of behavioral consequences, and reinforcing good behavior. If things just appear to be getting worse at home and at school, take this strategy into consideration.

They Are Ignorant of the Effects of Their Actions

Teenagers are known for having poor vision and living in the present. Because of this, it is uncommon for persons who have started abusing alcohol or drugs to fully comprehend the effects of their choices. Even if you repeatedly explain to your child the consequences of their decisions, you might not be able to convince them. They probably care more about being accepted by their peers than the long-term implications of substance addiction on their health.

You should take into account a short-term residential program if your youngster consistently causes problems for the family with no remorse. They will be able to learn everything there is to know about the risks associated with addiction in such a setting. Adolescents are better prepared to make future decisions about substance use thanks to this information.

They Have Difficulty in Other Areas

Abuse of drugs rarely happens by accident. Usually, it’s connected to pressures like peer pressure or emotional upheaval. It could be time to enroll your child in a residential program if they have shown signs of deteriorating mental health, are struggling academically, or have suddenly started hanging out with a new crowd.

By removing your child from their current setting, you can avoid the numerous distractions that could jeopardize their recuperation. They can devote their entire attention to their mental health in a recognized addiction treatment center. Licensed counselors can assist children in changing their perspective, carefully considering the people they want to be around, and placing importance on their academic performance.

You Experience Cynicism or Feel Overwhelmed

Finding out that your child is abusing alcohol and other drugs can be terrifying. You probably feel like you’ve done all possible as a parent to communicate with your children. You could be unsure of what to do next if punishment, enabling, positive reinforcement, or harsher regulations don’t appear to work.

If you recognize this, don’t let it discourage you. Teenage substance misuse is a diagnosable disorder that frequently requires clinical care; it cannot always be treated at home. We advise going to a residential facility for teenagers for primary therapy if your child has resisted all of your attempts to intervene.

You may wonder if your child needs counseling due to personality changes. These alterations can appear suddenly or after a severe event. These changes, regardless of the cause, can help you decide if your child needs counseling. Read on for six indicators your child may need counseling.

Combative Behavior

Behavior issues within and outside the house are a common sign that your child needs counseling. Your child may quarrel, protest, and get defensive at the tiniest request or conversation. If these responses occur regularly, pay attention. Your youngster may be begging for aid without realizing it.

Stay in touch with teachers and other parents at school and other activities. Let them know you’re worried and to let you know if your youngster is acting out.

Unexpected Changes in Interests

Changes in your child’s daily hobbies and behaviors can also indicate that they need counseling. Changes in eating, sleeping, and interests are usually the most noticeable and indicative. If these changes persist after two weeks, consult your child’s doctor. If emotional stressors are the source, they may be able to guide you.

Anxiety and Depression

The most obvious symptom that your child needs treatment is excessive stress and despair. While concern and grief can be acceptable, especially through life transitions and changes, when these emotions become excessive and begin to absorb your child and their thoughts, that is when you should take a closer look.

Regressions in Behavior

A new sibling, divorce, or other big life events in the home might cause regressions. However, when regressions seem unrelated, investigate. Common regressions that suggest your child needs counseling include:

• Bedwetting
• Frequent temper tantrums
• Clinginess and separation anxiety
• Language regression

Frequent Loneliness

If your child withdraws socially, this may indicate an emotional issue. When depressed or anxious, children often isolate themselves. When this continues to happen on a regular basis, and starts to take away from their interpersonal relationships, that is when it comes time to think that it may be more than just a sad day. This is especially true if shyness and introverted inclinations are not prevalent personality features for your child.

Unsure of child social isolation? Disturbed children socially separate in these ways:

• Eating lunch alone
• Avoiding social events
• Lack of motivation to leave the house

Discussing Self-harm

Finally, if your child expresses thoughts of self-harm, seek help immediately. This can appear softly as hopelessness and loneliness. Sometimes suicidal thoughts and cutting are more obvious.

Suicidal thoughts and cutting may seem excessive for younger children, yet self-harm can be communicated in many ways. Young children self-harm by hitting themselves, bashing their heads, and scratching. Note any self-harming behaviors and get your child aid.

Get Your Child The Help They Deserve

Getting treatment for your child should not be an emotionally draining and lengthy effort. Alpha Connections offers many youth counseling programs. Alpha Connections goes above and beyond by giving mental health treatments tailored to each kid in disadvantaged neighborhoods.

The sooner you pinpoint the symptoms your child needs counseling, the quicker you can get them the care that they need. With the indicators given above, you can be sure that you will know what to look out for when it comes to your child’s mental health and emotional well being.

A child’s relationship with their parent or other primary caregiver is the most significant one in their life. A strong parent-child bond helps kids learn about the world they live in. Children turn to their parents as they develop and change to find out if they are loved, safe, and secure. They will construct their upcoming connections on this foundation as well.

By being there with your child, spending quality time with them, and fostering an environment where they feel free to explore, you may develop a strong parent-child relationship. There is no magic formula or certain way to build a successful relationship, and you’ll probably encounter challenges along the way. Your child will ultimately flourish if you continue to focus on your relationship.

The following are positive parenting strategies that might help you and your child develop a closer bond:

Display Your Love

Every stage of our lives requires human contact and genuine affection for healthy emotional and neurological development. It’s crucial that you give your child tender, loving touches (like hugs) multiple times during the day. Every opportunity to connect with your child should be embraced. Give them a friendly grin, make eye contact, and warm greetings to promote open communication.

Saying “I love you”

Even if it is frequently suggested that we love our kids, make sure to express it to them on a daily basis, regardless of their age. It can be a wonderful time to reassure your child that you love them no matter what they do or how difficult they are behaving. The relationship you establish with your child over the long run might be greatly impacted by a simple “I love you.”

Set Structures, Guidelines, and Penalties

As they mature and learn about the world, children require structure and direction. Make sure your kids are aware of your expectations for them by talking to them about it. Age-appropriate penalties should be in place and applied consistently when rules are breached.

Pay Attention and Feel What They Are Saying

Listening establishes a connection. Recognize your child’s emotions, demonstrate your understanding of them, and reassure them that you are available to assist them in any way they require. Consider situations from your child’s point of view. You can start to establish respect between you and your child by paying attention to them and showing empathy.

Play with Others

The development of a youngster depends so much on play. Children use it as a tool to learn language, express their feelings, encourage creativity, and gain social skills. It is a pleasant approach for you to improve your bond with your child as well. What you play is irrelevant. The most important thing is to just have fun with your child and make a commitment to doing so.

Stay Focused and Available

Even only 10 uninterrupted minutes a day can make a significant difference in your child’s ability to develop strong communication skills. Put away your technological devices, turn off the TV, and spend some quality time with your partner. Despite all the distractions and strains in your life, your child needs to know that you think they are a priority.

Dining Together

Family meals provide an excellent opportunity for interaction and bonding with your children. To simply enjoy each other’s company, encourage everyone to put their phones or other electronic gadgets away. You should use mealtime to teach your kids the value of a good, balanced diet because it has an impact on their entire mental health.

Create Rituals Between Parents and Children

Try to make a point of spending one-on-one time with each child if you have more than one. Spending quality one-on-one time with your child can improve the parent-child relationship, boost their self-esteem, and help them feel special and appreciated. To generate that one-on-one time, some parents plan special “date evenings” with their kids. Whether it’s a walk around the neighborhood, a trip to the playground, or just a movie at home, it’s crucial to celebrate each child uniquely.

Need More Assistance?

To assist and direct parents in creating a strong parent-child relationship, Alpha Connections provides a number of programs to parents and adolescents throughout the High Desert. Please get in touch with us to find out more about our program offerings.

You tell your daughter she cannot borrow the car to drive to the mall until she finishes cleaning her room. She says it is her room, and she will keep it how she wants. From there, the conversation gets ugly with name-calling, yelling, and slamming doors. Now you are receiving the silent treatment from a sullen teenager while you walk on eggshells to keep the peace.

What Happens Now?

Raising teenagers can be a challenge. Your priorities and those of your teenager are completely different. She is worried about being invited to the prom or keeping up with the latest fashion trend. You are worried about getting the power bill paid and making sure she gets a good education. Having one of these arguments is rough, but learning to deal with the aftermath can help.

Your daughter may want a little time to cool off and process. Give her the space she needs to work through her feelings, and do not push her to “be okay” with you right away. There will be tension in the room, but hopefully, you will be able to tolerate it while you both process the argument. Maybe it is you that is causing the tension after building resentment by what your daughter said. Are you frustrated with yourself because you gave in? Are you sad because she hit too close to home? Be sure to examine your feelings to know you are not causing the tension. Do not worry. The tension is temporary and will eventually diffuse itself.

Apologize if you said something hurtful. Take responsibility for it and let your daughter know that you realize your imperfections. Do not apologize for setting boundaries or rules to follow. If she is giving you the silent treatment, just talk to her as you would any other day. If she does not respond, just go about your business.

Use your disagreement as an opportunity to show your daughter by example the best way to manage anger and tension. Let her know you love her even when she is mad at you. Check your feelings, and be sure not to hold a grudge. Most things said in the heat of anger are not worth hanging on to.

Your feelings during this cooling-off period are essential, and so are your daughter’s feelings. Do not discount either. Instead, say something like, “I know you are feeling angry after our fight just like I am. I hope when we are both feeling better, we can talk about it and then move on.” If your daughter feels respected and has the space to process her feelings, the tension will dissipate before you know it.

She must have seen the commercials on television about the pitfalls of teens drinking. But she came home from a friend’s house acting a little wobbly, and you could smell alcohol on her breath. She is too old to spank, so how do you react to this dangerous behavior?

Find Out Why

There could be a variety of reasons why your daughter decided to drink. She was at a party, and that is what all her friends were doing. She was afraid to turn down a drink because her friends would call her names or turn their back on her. If it has become a habit, the problems may go deeper. She may be dealing with anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, or stress. It is important to find out the underlying issue.

You can help her by staying calm. Listen to why she is drinking and let her know you understand that she faces pressure and challenges in her life. If she realizes that she can talk to you openly about her feelings, you will be more likely to get the information you need to help. Try to explain the dangers of teen drinking without the lecturing tone of voice. It can make you more depressed or lead to permanently damaged memory. Getting drunk can lead to bad decisions or even legal problems.

Communicate and Learn

Let your daughter know that you want to keep honest communication open, but they do need to learn the consequences of their unwise decision. Do not punish them by humiliating them in any way, or you will ruin that line of communication. Ask her what she feels her punishment should be. You might be surprised by what she produces.

Have your daughter do a research paper on underage drinking. This will help her to learn about the consequences of these actions. It may also be a wonderful way for the family to come together and brainstorm ways to deal with situations in their lives when alcohol might be present, like a slumber party or get-together. This could be a helpful exercise for the whole family.

Catching your teenage daughter drinking can be a serious situation, but with calm patience and effective communication, it is a problem through which you can work. You may even find it brings the family closer.

You got a beautiful necklace for the holidays, but the next time you decide to wear it, the necklace is not in your jewelry box. Then you hear your daughter was wearing one just like it at school, and you find it in her backpack. Your heart drops, you are disappointed, and you feel betrayed and downright angry. First, count to ten. Get past the emotional response and access the logical side of your brain. Most importantly, remember that this is a behavior, not a personality trait. Now you are ready to help them work through the situation.

Tips to Teaching Amends

It is understandable that you would feel hurt and betrayed when your child steals from you but try not to take the behavior personally. Their stealing is not about you or your parenting skills. Unfortunately, your teen has chosen an inappropriate way to solve their problem, and you can help change their thinking.

• Do not let them think you see them as a horrible person. It bears repeating, remember this is behavior and not a personality trait. If they sense you have a bad opinion of them now, it could cause them to feel hopeless. They will lose hope in their ability ever to change.
• Instead, shift the situation to the opposite way of thinking. Good people apologize when they make a mistake, not just because they got caught but because they hurt someone they care about. They also make amends for their behavior. Let your teen know you believe they are a good person, and you know they can do this too.
• Let your daughter know that just because you want something does not mean it is okay to just take it without asking. This is faulty thinking. Ask her what she should do next time. Never let them benefit from stealing or keep what they took. If she still has the necklace, she should be required to return it with an apology, maybe even a written one, so she must think about the situation. Make sure there are consequences.
• If she does not have the necklace anymore, she will have to work and earn money to replace it. If she does not have a regular job, then she can work around the house for designated points and be grounded until she has earned enough points to buy her restitution.

She needs to know there are consequences, but if you make amends, you can be forgiven and earn back trust. Your teenager is not a thief, she is a growing human who will make mistakes, and with a bit of patience, you can help her learn from those mistakes and grow into being a caring and loving adult.